Everybody says being famous is hard. Really? Hard? No. Plumbing is hard. Roofing in July is hard. Trying to plug in a USB correctly on the first try—that’s hard. But fame? Fame is basically just being noticed while doing regular life poorly.
You ever notice famous people get credit for stuff we’d get yelled at for?
If you show up late to work, you get written up.
If a celebrity shows up late, everyone’s like, “They’re so mysterious… so artistic…”
No.
They overslept like the rest of us. They hit snooze 17 times. Beyoncé doesn’t wake up flawless. She wakes up like, “What day is it? Why is this cat staring at me? Did I answer that email?”
And famous people apologize for everything without actually saying sorry.
They’ll be like:
“I am learning and growing, and this journey has been a reflection of the universe and my inner water.”
What does that mean, Kelsea??
Did you steal the yacht or not?
You know how celebrities post workout videos?
They never show the sweat.
They’re just glowing.
Smiling.
Perfect lighting.
If I try to work out, after 30 seconds I look like a damp rotisserie chicken. I’m wheezing like Wi-Fi on a school bus. Who am I trying to impress? The treadmill? The treadmill doesn’t care. The treadmill hates me.
But the easiest part of being famous is the interviews.
You don’t need to say anything.
Just talk in vibes.
Interviewer: “How did you prepare for your role?”
Celebrity: “I just… connected… to the essence… of like… the moment… of humanity… and cereal.”
Everyone: “Brilliant. They’re a genius.”
Meanwhile if we say that in a meeting:
“We need to discuss your drug screening, Jeff.”
And don’t get me started on influencers.
Influencers get famous by doing nothing in a house with ugly wallpaper.
“Hey guys! Just wanted to hop on and remind you to drink water today!”
Thank you, Brittany. Without you, I was going to lick a cactus.
They start every video like they’re rescuing you from a burning building.
“Okay LISTEN UP.”
I thought you had urgent news.
No.
She just wants to show you avocado toast.
The bar for fame is low, friends.
Back in the day you had to cure a disease, fly across the ocean, or invent electricity.
Now you just need to do one mildly interesting thing in the background of a TikTok.
You could trip on the sidewalk and boom—20 million views.
You fall again?
Netflix special.
So don’t let people lie to you.
Being famous is not hard.
Being normal is hard.
Being normal means remembering passwords.
Being normal means answering emails.
Being normal means pretending you don’t see the coworker you just saw in the parking lot so now you have to walk in together and talk about weather for 47 seconds.
Fame is easy.
You just need one thing.
Confidence.
Not talent.
Not skill.
Not genius.
Just the ability to say:
“Yeah, I meant to do that,”
Even when you absolutely did not.
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